We are just 23 days away from our flight to Australia. At this point it seems as if everyone else is excited on my behalf. I’ve slowly been coming to the realisation that I’m feeling a lot of grief over what I’m leaving behind. It’s a difficult place to be, because on the one hand I rationally know I should be celebrating the massive accomplishment of having achieved our long-term goal of being able to move our family back to Australia. That was a crazy, intense, expensive, long process that is about to come to fruition. However, on the other hand I’m really not ready to accept that it is happening, primarily because this move means leaving behind my best friend. Frankly, that part of it really, really sucks.
Here’s the thing about my experience with friendship; finding a best friend is pretty darn close to the search for your life partner. You build relationships where someone will have a lot of the traits you are looking for, but it’s not quite the perfect fit. Or, you will really like them, but they don’t really feel the same way about you. Way too many times in the past I’ve had the experience of: She’s my best friend but I’m not HER best friend. How nice it is to have someone who genuinely considers you their best friend!
So when you take in to account that my search for a best friend has been a lifelong effort, perhaps you can understand my reluctance to accept that I have knowingly chosen to leave her behind. Again, that part really, really sucks.
Here’s the plus side. Accepting that our friendship isn’t going to be as readily accessible anymore, has lead to a greater appreciation of that friendship. I’ve been blessed to be able to move in with my best friend and her family for our last few weeks in Canada. We are cramming in as much memory making time as we can. After that it’s a matter of making the commitment to not let the physical distance put distance in our friendship.
This quote pretty much sums up how I’m trying to feel:
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss
p.s. It’s not over, darn it!